Entitlement

I set up this blog in order to share stories about my discoveries of Deaf culture. If I spent the entire two years writing about how Deaf people are perfect angels I would not be painting an accurate picture. Deaf people are creative, and caring, mean, and manipulative. Deaf people are people.

One thing I have learned about people with disabilities is that their entire lives people treat them with extremes, extreme oppression and extreme generosity. Either they are being forgotten about, or they are being showered with gifts. These extremes often lead to a sense of entitlement. The individual believes, consciously or unconsciously, that because they are disabled and oppressed you must shower them with generosity.

For instance:

My first week at the Deaf Shalom Zone a young man who attends the Maryland School for the Deaf as a dorm student, and whose entire family cannot communicate with him because they never learned sign language, came up to me after church. He signed “black suit case, wheels, you have?” to which I responded with “Yes, black suitcase, wheels, have me.” Then the most interesting thing happened. He signed “Good. You will bring to my house tonight. Time 6pm” I was taken aback by the statement but decided that I could spare a suitcase and he really needed it.

Two weeks later the same boy came to me after church and signed “Black suitcase, remember you?” I thought he was about to thank me for giving it to him so I said “Yes, I remember” Then he responded with “Black suitcase broke. I dragged down the steps, wheel fell off. Bring new suitcase to my house tonight. Black. Wheels”

Another example:

Two weeks ago we had an important meeting at church. The night before the meeting I got a message that a young man from church wanted to go to the meeting and I offered to drive him even though it was an hour out of my way. At 10:30pm I received an email from the same young man. The email said “I found a ride; you don’t need to get me tomorrow.”

Relieved, I went to bed and woke up the next morning with enough time to get myself to church. On the way I received an email on my pager that said “WHERE ARE YOU?????” Apparently the young man had emailed me again at 2am and expected me to be waiting at his house to drive him the next morning.

Here is the question I pose, when are we helping and when are we enabling? How can you tell the difference? I have been struggling with this issue lately and I have come to the conclusion that you just don’t know. You have to trust that God will be there with you and that you will make the right decisions.

I bought the first young man another suitcase with church discretionary funds and told him that he needed to take better care of this bag, because it was a gift. I did not pick up the second young man, and he found his own ride. I am not sure I made the right decisions but I am sure that if you care about people and you pray to do God’s will, you are not going to mess them up too bad.

Entitlement is tough, at times it makes me crazy. I feel as though I give and give and it is expected I will continue to give forever, and maybe I will, and maybe I should, but I will always try to empower rather than enable, and I will always pray for guidance. Peace.

6 months

Recently the US-2's have been emailing back and forth, sharing the Best and Worst things that have happened to us in these past six months as Young Adult Missionaries. Ha, YAMs. I thought that I would add a similar review to my blog. or my "BOG" as my adorable grandpa calls it.

Since I arrived in Baltimore in August I have been blessed with the opportunity to:

Finish ASL 3 and start ASL 4. only one more class to go.

Accompany a Deaf/Blind man to Kings Dominion (an amuesment park)

Witness 5 youth from inner city Baltimore join the church because it was the one place they could go to on the weekends where people knew how to communicate with them.

Deliever car loads of christmas gifts to families living in poverty.

Interpret for Dr. appointments

Witness court cases dealing with child custody.

Take the Deaf mentally ill patients at Springfield hospital out to Pizza Hut.

Play Bingo with the Deaf senior citizens who live in a Baltimore group home.

Arrange a Deaf choir tour to Michigan. (YEA!)

Sign up for mission trips to Grenada (April) and Zimbabwe (May).

Bless a cat.

Write a grant for $100,000.00.

Establish a new Board of Directors, Mission Statement, and statistics collecting process for the Zone.

Party like only Deaf people can, for Christmas, Missions, Valentines day, Thanksgiving, John Does Birthday, whatever.

Attend two funerals, one for a long-time member who died of old age and one for a Deaf senior who was murdered in his apartment.

Travel to San Diego for a week to lead a workshop on The Deaf Shalom Zone and asset based community development.

Deal with a mental ill homeless man who wanted to shove his dirty pants through the mail slot at church.

Cat Sit.

Help a Deaf woman from the Dominican Republic gain employment.

Associate with Deaf people from the Dominican Repubic, Columbia, Cuba, Sierra Leona, Nigeria, Ethiopia, Russia, Romania, Uzbekistan, Italy, Ghana, Venezuela, India, Saipei, and counting.

Have my car vandelized. (baptised with motor oil)

Interperet a dark, movie roller coaster ride.

Etc.. Etc... Etc...

To God be the glory, now and forever, now and forever, Amen.

wow

Lets do a little comparison here. If I had grown up and gotten a real person job after graduating I would probably be working as a program developer for a YMCA somewhere in Michigan making absolutely no money and all my friends would either still be in school or would be all over the country in their new exciting jobs. Instead I listened to God's plan for my life and I am now currently employed for a non-profit doing exactly what I feel called to do, and yes, I am still making absolutely no money, BUT I am not supposed to be making money and that makes all the difference.

I found out yesterday that in addition to my mission trip to Grenada that I already had planned for April, I will also be traveling to Zimbabwe this May. I will be spending two weeks working with my bosses to help run a Deaf conference. We will need to learn Zimbabwe Sign Language and everything. I am so excited. Thank you God!

God works through everything that lives and breaths, that is plugged in or thrown out. I found this job through a GOOGLE search, now I can't imagine my life without the Deaf Shalom Zone.

CODAs

Christ UMC of the Deaf was in the middle of a two week Deaf Cultural Immersion class when I arrived home from my extremely long christmas break. The Immersion class spent two weeks learing all about Deaf culture. They visited the Maryland Rely Center, Gallaudet University, Maryland School for the Deaf Columbia Campus christian education, Stayed with Deaf families and much more.

One of the evernings I was blessed with the opportunity to join the group to hear a pannel of CODAs speak about what it was like to grow up a Child Of Deaf Adults. The stories ranged from hilarious to heart wrenching.

One woman recalled a story of when she was in 5th grade and she was not turning in her homework. Her teacher sent her home with a letter for her parents and said that they had to sign the letter. A week later when the teacher had not recieved back the letter she told the girl that she was going to drive her home and talk to her parents. This did not bother the girl one bit because she knew that she would have to interpret for the teacher. When they arrived to her house she told her parents that her teacher came over to warn them of a friend of hers that was doing very badly in school.

Many funny stories were shared, all the CODAs proclaimed that they were very proud to be a CODA. Then the stories shifted to a different tone. One woman talked about how she missed out on some normal kid times in her life because she was busy interpreting for her parents. Another talked about being embarrassed when other children would make fun of the way her parents sounded.

Then one woman told the group about the time that she needed to interpret a doctors appointment for her father. Her father had gone to the doctor to recieve news on whether or not he had cancer. She was ten. She wore dark sunglasses because she thought that if her father saw her cry he would be too sad and it would make him become more sick. She had already decided that she was not going to tell him the truth if the test results came back positive. She said "That was the hardest thing I have ever done."

That was a beautiful night. All of the CODAs shared their life stories with us and welcomed us into a very personal place in their hearts. I came away from the night reminded that we all face the laughter and the hardship. All of the CODAs said that they would have their parents no other way than the way God made them. Through the hardships God blessed the CODAs with the gift of being bi-lingual, with the ability to care for others, and with a sense of maturity.

Our God is an Awesome God. Peace.

Asset based community development

January 5 a few of my close friends and I flew to San Diego California where I had been asked to lead a workshop entitled "Maximizing your connections to better your community" at a conference called The American Humanics Management Institute. American Humanics is an organization that works with universities to teach undergraduates how to become non-profit administrators. The trip itself was a blast.

The workshop I led was based on the philosophy of asset based community development. Asset based community development is essentially looking to your assets to help you make decisions rather than your deficits.

I started the hour and a half by talking about how I used the philosophy last January. Instead of saying "What am I going to do after I graduate I have no work experience, I don't have a masters degree..." I took a close look at what I did have to offer. I had 2 semesters of American Sign Language, a non-profit administration degree, the ability to live on a low income, and a strong connection to the United Methodist Church.

After I finished with my personal story I told the group about how the Deaf Shalom Zone, Inc. uses the same philosophy. Shalom Zones were designed around the idea of gathering together the members of any given community and deciding what gifts they had to offer. In 2001 the Deaf Shalom Zone, Inc. held a large community meeting where they asked the same question rather than asking "What are the needs of the community?" and then compiling a list that is 8,000 pages long. At that meeting the Deaf Shalom Zone, Inc. realized that they had gifts in American Sign Language, case management, and a strong tie to the Deaf and Deaf/Blind community.

I believe in this way of thinking and I encourage us all to make decisions based on the same philosophy. From now on, instead of asking yourself "what are my obstacles?" ask yourself "What are my gifts?" Instead of asking "What went wrong?" ask yourself "what went right?" Maybe you will beign to feel uplifted rather than weighed down. See where it leads you.

Peace.

Dolly

I love my odd life. I think it is wonderful that everyday something strange, new and exciting happens. Two things come to mind when I am confronted with strange occurances situation one: Sunday I walked into the office and there was a bag filled with water balloons on my desk (in December) and next to the bag of water balloons was the biggest Pear I have ever seen, it was literally the size of a volleyball and what did I do? Nothing because it did not even occur to me that this should be weird. Situation two: This afternoon I went with my pastor over to a Deaf woman's house to see her new, very exspensive, kitten. The mission of the trip was to bless the cat and to say a prayer to thank God for the company of cats in our lives and to ask for a nice healthy long life for the cat. It was about the time that my pastor was on her stomach on the floor of this Deaf woman's house chasing after that cat that had just crawled under the coffee table saying "Come here kitty kitty, I need to bless you." that I thought ok this is blog material.
We need to remeber the strange and wonderful times in our lives, the unexpected joys. Especially around this time of christmas when many of us are greiving lost loved ones and unfortunate changes that have happened throughout the year. God has a plan and even though it might not be clear, we need to know tha we are loved, because on any day you may find yourself mourning a loved one or blessing Dolly the cat.

choir trip success!

The Deaf Choir Tour Trip to Michigan was a total success! We left early on the 4th from Baltimore and ended up in Port Huron hungry and tired twelve hours later. We sang at the Waves of Hope Mission Celebration, Sandusky UMC, Warren first UMC, and Chelsea UMC. All the events were great!

At the Waves of Hope mission celebration we were welcomed with open arms and I was able to try my first interpreting in front of a large crowd. The great people in the choir said I did fine but I know I made mistakes. oh well, that is what happens when you are still learning.

In Sandusky the choir sang and I gave the sermon. The host families made us a wonderful meal in the evening and we then had warm beds and great conversation. We visited Lake Huron in the afternoon so that The choir members could get a good look at a great lake. It was so windy that it almost blew Sugg's (a Deaf-Blind choir member) jacket into the water.

Warren first UMC's event was a fun homecoming! They are one of the church that has supported me throughout my mission work. It was wonderful to see old friends and to preform in that environment.

Our last event was in Chelsea and it was a real pleasure. First of all they had a three timpani's this was a great treat bc we were used to singing with our little old drum. The timpani's rocked the whole church! Also a group of Deaf individuals from Ann Arbor came out to visit with us. The choir members really enjoyed that!

It was not all work and no play though, we visited Frankenmuth, the Edison Museum, The Henry Ford Museum, the Water park at our hotel, and The Jiffy Mix factory in Chelsea. I also took them to my favorite Michigan places to eat Mongolian BBQ, ColdStone, and my mom's house for Hotdog Casserole!

The trip went over without a hitch! Thank You So Much to all the churches that hosted us and were so generous! We really felt welcomed in Michigan and people have not stopped talking about it yet! Peace!

Deaf Choir Tour Dates

The Deaf Choir at my church will be traveling to MI this friday in order to preform at four churches in our conference. Here are the Dates and locations

Saturday November 5th
Imaly City
for the
Waves of Mercy kick off event for the districts mission week

Sunday November 6th
Sandusky UMC
Sunday morning worship

Monday November 7th
Warren First UMC
evening preformance

Wednesday November 9th
Chelsea UMC
evening preformance

For more information please contact me through my blog.

We would love to meet other hearing and deaf individuals in MI! See you there!

Toliet paper, it's a wonderful thing!

A lot of the wonderful people that I live and work with here in Baltimore are currently at or below the poverty level. Which means that a lot of people that I live and work with are using food stamps. Now food stamps are great little items that help people purchase the food that they need to survive. But as with everything, food stamps are not perfect. For instance, Food stamps will not help my Deaf friends purchase, soap, and toiltet paper, or personal items. Food stamps only buy... you guessed it, Food. My Boss likes to say "They will let you eat but they will not let you poop." Now, slightly vulgar as that is, it's essentailly true.

One item that gets over looked a lot when it comes to mission giving is toilet paper. Churches give soap and food and toothpaste and washclothes, but they often forget to give the one item that tends to get used a lot more frequently.

So my solution as the great US-2 thinker that I am, is to have a TP drive! You all know that you have atleast a few roles laying around that you could dispense with, or let someone else dispense with. If you feel at all inclined to help us fill our Deaf Shalom Zone christmas baskets this year with the TP that is in need please feel free to drop off the items with my Brother at Birmingham First UMC in Michigan or contact me here on my blog. I will be in MI for thanksgiving and I could pick up any donations that people are willing to give. Thanks for your support!

MVA

Today I mulled over life at the Maryland MVA next to a conversational and unreserved woman who smelled like cat urine and Camel Lights. In between our small talk about when we would be welcomed to a desk to declare our identities, I read from a book that I have been blazing through entitled "God's Politics".

Jim Wallis progressively preaches for 374 pages about politics, piety, positions, and peace. While Scanning my surroundings I could start to understand the poverty and oppression the politics he speaks of, creates. "Since when did believeing in God and having moral values make you pro-war, pro-rich, and pro-Republican? And since when did promoting and pursuing a progressive social agenda with a concern for economic security, health care, and education opportunity mean you had to put faith and God aside?"

The hundreds of citizens sitting and staring, standing and slouching, waiting with infants, and toddlers for their number to be selected so they could recieve identification cards, in order to apply for food stamps, was staggering. I felt as though I was in the movie "Crash" and I was witnessing the Socialital perpetual circle.

As Wallis states, God's politics, are politics that plead for justice. Politics that pray for Mercy. the Prophets spoke of poverty. Let us try to tackel these tough targets. Peace.

Happy October!

Many good things happened this week. First of all my parents came to visit which was awesome because that meant that I finally unpacked all my boxes so that I would look moved in by the time they got here. Nothing like a little motivation. We spent friday visiting my church and walking around inner harbor. It was a beautiful day (thanks God!)

It was wonderful to have people who are close to me here in Baltimore so that I could lessen the big gap in between my Michigan life and my Maryland life. I am blessed to have parents that would drive over 20 hours to spend 10 hours with me. Wow!

Saturday I went to King's Dominion (a theme park in Virginia) with a deaf/blind man from church. It was a great day of facing fears. The only real big rollercoaster that i went on, traveled backwards. I decided to ride on that one because I could not see when I was going to drop so I was less scared. (If that isn't a giant metaphore for giving it to God and trying not to control the future I don't know what is)

Sunday I connected with a local young adult group (insert hallelujah chorus here) it was really nice to meet some people my age who share my faith and who share my views on life (politically and theologically) Prayer works.

Here is an interesting piece of information. the sign for "Methodist" is the same sign as the sign for "enthusiastic" or "motivated" I think that is a great reminder for us as methodists to remember why we enjoy religion and to be enthusiastic about our faith and about how we show our faith to others. It is easy to get bogged down by problems in the world. It is nice to remember the love and the motivation christ gave us to show that love to one another.

Peace

God's sense of humor

So today I was beginning to feel lonely and sorry for myself. I love my job and I love where I am living, but I had very close friends and family in Michigan and it is hard not having them here. So... I looked in the bible, this time I checked out the concordance rather than playing bible magic eight ball and I found a passage for the word lonely in lamentations and this is what it said

1 How lonely sits the city that was full of people! How like a widow has she become, she that was great among the nations! She that was a princess among the cities has become a vassal. 2 She weeps bitterly in the night, tears on her cheeks; among all her lovers she has none to comfort her; all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they have become her enemies.

Let me just tell you, that was not the comforting passage that I was looker for. Although I am just glad that I did not hit a blank page. As I was reading this and thinking about how I wished to be with all my friends chillin at bilbos or at the young adult worship service at birmingham, Emerge, I was not noticing that I was talking to seven people on-line. Seven.

It is so easy to overlook what is right in front of you. I prayed to God to help me not to feel lonely and God sent me seven friends to talk to. I mean seven is even a holy number and I wasn't paying attention. I am amazed at how God answers prayers. I am astounded at how comforting it is to know that even if I dont understand the answer it is there. My life has been touched by the knowledge that no matter what, God loves me. No matter where I am, no matter what I have done, no matter if I am surrounded by friends or feeling all alone, God is with me. I want to dedicate my life to showing that love to others so that everyone can realize God's love. Night!

The deaf choir at my church went to a four hour worship service last night that is an annual event for all the deaf ministries in the Baltimore area. About eight choirs preformed and three deaf speakers preached. It was a great service that was very affirming of deaf culture and the beauty in the way deaf people make music.

All the choirs were amazing and I am not saying that our choir was better because it was a worship serivice designed to showcase the many different deaf choirs. One thing I did notice though was the fact that all the other choirs signed to music. Which if you are really trying to preform a service for the deaf does not make sense for two reasons. One, the obvious reason, deaf people cant hear it; and reason number two being that the lyrics automatically put the signs into english word order, which is not american sign language.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with signing to music. It makes it moving for the hearing people in the crowd (like me) and it is making an effort to include deaf people. Although, if you really want to honor deaf people and their own language it is nice to allow them to do the music that they write and that they direct and preform.

The choir from my church is going to do a deaf choir tour in Michigan in November. I am elated. I can't wait to see my friends and family and my church families, and I can't wait for them to experience the world that I am living in now. I will post specific dates, times, and places in the month to come so that anyone who is interested can come see them. They are an all deaf choir and their music is culturally accurate and amazing. It is mindblowing the many ways god chose to give humans the gift of music.

I have so many stories that I want to write about at this exact moment that my brain is finding it hard to make anything sound interesting or complete. I will hopefully find some clarification soon and continue to write about my US-2 tales in a more coherent manner.

Below is a poem I wrote about the deaf choir after the first time that I saw them.

Caitlin’s Silent Choir
In honor of the deaf choir at Christ church in Baltimore.

Caitlin’s hands are crooked. Caitlin’s crooked hands are beautiful. She sways slowly and clucks…clucks…Caitlin clucks the beat, deep in her throat. She sings of her savior with silence. She signs of the savior with her crooked crinkled hands and the drum beats loud. Slam…Silence…Slam…Silence. Shhhhhh. Caitlin’s crooked hands conduct the silent choir. She raises. They raise. They praise. And they all sway. Slam… Silence…Slam. Caitlin’s choir feels the beat from their feet to their hands. Slam. Caitlin’s choir sings the praise of the lamb. Slam. Caitlin quietly voices the sounds she was taught. Ah. Ma. Zing. Grah. Ssss.

The Jig is up!

Unfortunately that day has come. My new good friend now knows me well enough to tell when I am faking the fact that I understand everything he is saying. Dangit! My sign language skills are improving although I have only been here three weeks so there are times when I still dont know exactly what is being said. In those times I like to look interested and nod my head as if I completely understand, which for the most part has been working quit well. I get to participate in conversations and add what I can. Since I have been spending a lot of time with Shawn* he now stops mid conversation and says to me. "You understand?" which of course then I nod and smile.

I usually understand concepts and mostly what is being said. He has also taken to responding with "ok then tell me what I just said." UGH! what a retched blessing to have made friends who know you well enough to challenge you. Shawn has not only taken to testing me he also makes sure to sign as fast as he can so that I am forced to pay close attention. After spending the day together my brain hurts. I am exhausted. I took ASl a year and a half ago and I have not had much interaction with deaf people until this recent move. Talk about immersion. Now 90 % of the people I know speak a completely different langauge then me.

Shawn will not let me skate through life here easily, he has even begun to watch when I am talking to other people so that he can stop me and make me confess when I don't know what is being said. Accountabilty is tough. Romans 14: 12&13 says "So then, each of us will be accountable to God. Let us therefore no longer pass judgement on one another, but resolve instead to never be a stumbling block or hindreance in one way or another." Shawn is not holding me accountable to himself. He is not passing judgement he is challenging me through the love of christ and making sure that he is not a stumbling block for my communication with my new friends. He is forcing me to be honest about when I have hit a stumbling block and when I need help. He leaves the judging to the Lord and instead puts his efforts toward helping me remove the hinderances rather than enjoying them.

Stumbling blocks may not always seem bad, they can manifest themselves in laziness. It is easier for me to nod and smile, I do not come home exhausted when I spend the day noding and smiling, although I do come home missing half of what is being said. I come home missing half of the ministery that was taking place in front of my face. Shawn is being a great friend and making sure that I learn to be fully involved in the life of my new church family.

peace.

*I will always change names on this blog to secure the privacy of the people I discuss.

Maryland state fair

I never thought that enjoying rollercaosters would be something I would need for a job. Too bad I am severly affraid of heights.

Today I accompanied two deaf/blind men, a deaf guy, and another SSP (standar support individual) to the Maryland state fair. We spent the day watching the horse races and petting the animals at the 4H building. I am constantly surprised at how easily it is for deaf/blind people to get around if they have an SSP. I am really starting to feel like I am making friends. These people were great today. They are so patient with me while I learn to speak their language. Thank you God!

The Lord will provide. The thing I was worried about the most before moving here was the fact that it would be hard to make all new friends. I need to remember that the Lord will always provide. I seem to easily forget one of my favorite sayings. Or maybe I just dont listen to mself well. Let go and Let God! I know it is a cliche' now but for me I really pull inspiration from that. God, has never let me down. Why waste my time worrying about something.

I am so glad to be here right now. Also, I have been feeling like I am improving in my ASL skills which is great because if I didnt it would be a long two years.

Thank you Lord for providing for me and for my friends. Please bring everyone in the world peace this evening. Be with the Hurricane Katrina victims and provide for them as well. Lord we do not always understand but we have to trust that you have a plan. Love' Ya' God! Amen.

p.s I say I am learning, although today when my friend was in my living room setting up the old vcr and I was making popcorn in the kitchen he called to me and I responded by yelling "Yeah?" I still have a lot to learn!

X > ?

It is a weird sensation to arrive at your first job post college and begin to work feeling like you know absolutely nothing at all. Feeling like you do not even know what you have done with the past 21 years of your life. What is even more strange is when you are sitting at your first grant writing meeting and you realize. Wow, I'm not just making this up, I might actually know what the heck I am talking about. Awesome! I guess it is good to know that the thousands of dollars spent on college wasnt a complete waste. I'm sure my parents are happy about that too! The icing on the cake for me though is the fact that at no time during said grant writing meeting was I asked to explain Osmosis or calculate the value of X or Y. Take that Bio 112!

The first thing you learn about non-profit organization is that it is absolutely essential to have a concrete mission statement and committed board of directors. Although, I am quickly realizing that most of the non-profits I know of are too busy putting out the daily fires in their communities to worry about their mission statement or board of directors. Thats where I come in. I will now be spending a great majority of my time doing the work that other people find ridiculously boring. I will be gathering statistics, creating databases and making it possible for the Deaf Shalom Zone to apply for grants. I will also be researching and writing those grants. This is exactly what I feel called to do. I feel as though it is in line with systemic change. If the organization is to survive it will need to be... well... organized.

How wonderful is it that the Deaf Shalom Zone has been blessed with so many people who want to put out the daily fires. Hopefully the gifts that I bring of organization (my parents are giggling because this is probably the only time I have ever and will ever be referred to as organized) will be helpful for this already thriving organization. Peace.

I was asked to preach for our my new churches annual picnic and I thought that I would post the sermon since it tells a little bit about how I became a US-2 missionary. Obviously it isn't the ASL version. We had a great day at the picnic. many poeple showed up and we spent time playing softball and chatting with one another. It was a wonderful day for fellowship. Thank the Lord!


Thank you for welcoming me today at your annual church picnic. If I sign slow I apologize, I am still learning American Sign Language. My name is Mary Gladstone and I recently graduated from Western Michigan University. I grew up in the United Methodist Church. My Dad is a pastor, my mom is a pastor and my brother is a pastor. I do not want to be a pastor.
I want to share with you how I became a missionary. I realize God has been leading me towards your incredible church for many years. When I was a sophomore in high school I attended a faith retreat called a Chrysalis Walk. During the weekend I heard testaments about spirituality, I sang Lord I Lift Your Name On High and Shout To the Lord with my friends, and I spent many hours in quiet reflection—which is hard for me because I love to talk—I was young and I was beginning to see my faith journey in a new light.

My pastor, Caroline Hart shared with the group her personal story of being called into the ministry. She told us about how she did not know what the lord was calling her to do with her life so she decided to open her bible to a random page and see what scripture god would point out to her. Mommy Hart—the name she was given by the youth group—saw a passage of the lord telling her to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with the world. I was astounded by this. I thought, why the heck didn’t I think of that before?

That evening during a silent evening of prayer in a candle lit sanctuary I prayed this prayer. “Dear Father…” This was before I learned to not limit god by placing the lord almighty into human gender specific roles. “…Please help me. I am a poor young girl and I have no direction in my life. I need to know the rest of my life plan right now. Please dear lord show me your plan for my life and I will give my whole self to you.” Then I began to play what I now refer to as Bible Magic Eight Ball. I dropped my pew bible open scrunched my eyes closed and jabbed my finger into the middle of the page.

That bible had one thousand six hundred and sixty three pages from Genesis chapter one “In the beginning God created the heaven and earth.” All the way until Revelation chapter 22 verse 21 “The grace of our lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen”. I managed to open to the page in between the Old Testament and the New Testament, the only entirely blank page in the middle of the bible.

Four Years later while sitting through an outdoor worship service at my campus ministry in Kalamazoo I was beginning to feel antsy. The sun was hot, I had recently switched my major for the third time, and I once again wanted to know what I should do with my life. I was reminded of the evening when I was a sophomore and I chuckled to myself. I grabbed the bible that had been placed on my folding chair when I sat down and prayed this prayer “Creator God, Thank you for everything you have given me. I am lost lord. I want to do your will but I do not know how. I don’t want to be a pastor lord; do you want me to be a pastor? I guess I will be a pastor if you want lord. Last time I was too young and I did not need to know where my life was headed yet, but now I am older and mature. I am making my life decisions and I must know what you want from me. Amen”.

Once again I dropped open my bible, scrunched my eyes and pointed at the page and once again I hit the blank page. I was in a different city, a different church, and I had used a different bible.
My favorite bible verse is 2nd Corinthians chapter 4 verses 18 “So we fix our eyes on the unseen, for what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.” I believe that god has a plan for all of us, no matter where you come from or where you are going. God was calling me through those two games of Bible magic Eight Ball. God was calling me to give up; to stop fixing my eyes on the seen and begin to fix my eyes on the lord. God was crying out to me. “Cut it out dummy! I have a plan for you trust me. Give all things to me.”

I graduated in April with a degree in creative writing and non-profit administration. The February prior to my graduation I applied to become a missionary for the United Methodist Church. The missionary program provided a way for me to work within the church in a role that I felt called to serve in. I found out about your church and I fell in love. I cannot wait to learn from you and be apart of your ministry here I hope that I will become faster signer soon.
While I was writing this sermon my bible fell onto the floor and opened itself to Genesis chapter 12 verses 1 Now the Lord said to Abram, go form your country and your kindred and your fathers house to the land that I will show you.” God answered my prayers and led me here to this church.

God is worth our trust. God knows our hopes, our dreams, our fears and our desires. God will lead us in the right direction as long as we are willing to let go of our need to be in control and give all that we have to the lord.

Seeing Ghosts

There is a deaf/blind man in my congregation who has been experiencing an interesting problem. From time to time people who could see and then went blind will see images, like halucinations from their former sight. It is a disease and I have forgotten the name at the moment. This particular man is older and has been deaf/blind for a while. He has started to see these halucinations and because he is older they are very confusing to him. He is frightened and he thinks that they are ghosts that live in his house.

The man needed help with his medications which had lately increased. Another young man in the church had recently graduated from highschool. The young man asked the Deaf Shalom Zone to help him find an apartment so the solution was that the younger deaf man could stay with the older deaf/blind man free of charge if he helped with the medications and other house needs.

Due to his fear of the ghosts in his apartment the older deaf/blind man has now begun to cover the house with spray bleach, or globby furniture polish in order to make them leave. The younger man knew that this was a problem so he gave his older roomate a spray bottle of water and told him that it was holy water and it would rid the house of it's unwanted guests.

These events reminded me that we all can be hunted by the ghosts of our past. Bad decisions, family and loved ones who are no longer with us, lost jobs. By trying to rid ourselves of these "ghosts" alone we put ourselves in danger of making a mess of our current life, our current home. By inviting God into our lives and realizing the help and love that comes from the Lord we allow our creator to cleanse us by the baptism of holy water so that we can be washed anew and rid of our ghosts.

I was reminded once again to let go and let God. praise be the Lord. goodnight.

Reality Check

Today was the day that I realized how important this ministry is to the deaf community in Baltimore.

Last night a deaf member of the congregation was murdered in his apartment. He was an older man who lived in low income housing that was built in the 1970's specifically for empoverished deaf people although the state would not allow the housing to be only open for deaf people and they mandated that the housing would be for all people of disablilites. Now only 30 deaf people live in a complex with 150 apartments, the rest of the apartments are filled with people who have been paralized due to drug addictions or other such disablilites. The apartment complex is providing a place for people in need but it also is an unsafe atmosphere. I spent the day job shadowing my boss and pastor while they counseled the remaining deaf inhabitants. We tried to pursuade them to make tough dicisions like leaving their home and their friends for safer housing.

Later this evening I occumpanied my supervisor to a meeting with two of the youth of our church who have been excepted into the secondary school program an hour away at galludet. Tomorrow we are driving them over to take a look at the school and fill out paper work. One of the young guys has been living with the other young man's family. He has led a tough life and was taken in by this blessed family. Through the hard work of this family and the deaf shalom zone this young man will now finally recieve the education that he deserves. Praise the Lord.

God has placed this organization in the middle of death and new opportunities. I am blessed to be spending my two years learning from and shadowing these amazing people that God is working through. wow.

Dear God please be with the members of the low income housing. Please be with the man who was killed and all who knew him. Thank you lord for providing good education for gentlemen who deserve it. And thank you for blessing the world with gracious families and co-workers! Amen.

I have been in Baltimore for four days and I am already right in the thick of things. This job is great for my A.D.D brain. Friday night I went with a group of 20 deaf people from the church (two of which were deaf blind) to an interpreted showing of Grease the musical. Saturday I had lunch with my supervisor and then Sunday I went to my first deaf service which was loud because of the giant gong they beat and the base drum that is slammed upon during songs that we sign together.

After church the pastor of the church, and I went to Spring Field mental hospital to pick up a deaf women and take her to dinner. I do have to admitt I was a little scared when on the way Peggy told me that the woman had been kicked out of group homes for stabbing employees. Although all my worries disappeared when I met her, she was a great woman and I had a blast talking with her over pizza and ice cream.

I am beginning to notice how uncomfortable some hearing people can be when they are in the presence of a deaf person. Our waiter at dinner was absolutely beside himself tonight. I understand that it is a different situation for hearing people to be in, but it is a little funny to watch people squirm. The waiter was flumbling all over himself and kept staring, poor guy.

This week should be an exciting one. I will keep this blog "posted" ha ha get it... =) peace all!