I set up this blog in order to share stories about my discoveries of Deaf culture. If I spent the entire two years writing about how Deaf people are perfect angels I would not be painting an accurate picture. Deaf people are creative, and caring, mean, and manipulative. Deaf people are people.
One thing I have learned about people with disabilities is that their entire lives people treat them with extremes, extreme oppression and extreme generosity. Either they are being forgotten about, or they are being showered with gifts. These extremes often lead to a sense of entitlement. The individual believes, consciously or unconsciously, that because they are disabled and oppressed you must shower them with generosity.
For instance:
My first week at the Deaf Shalom Zone a young man who attends the Maryland School for the Deaf as a dorm student, and whose entire family cannot communicate with him because they never learned sign language, came up to me after church. He signed “black suit case, wheels, you have?” to which I responded with “Yes, black suitcase, wheels, have me.” Then the most interesting thing happened. He signed “Good. You will bring to my house tonight. Time 6pm” I was taken aback by the statement but decided that I could spare a suitcase and he really needed it.
Two weeks later the same boy came to me after church and signed “Black suitcase, remember you?” I thought he was about to thank me for giving it to him so I said “Yes, I remember” Then he responded with “Black suitcase broke. I dragged down the steps, wheel fell off. Bring new suitcase to my house tonight. Black. Wheels”
Another example:
Two weeks ago we had an important meeting at church. The night before the meeting I got a message that a young man from church wanted to go to the meeting and I offered to drive him even though it was an hour out of my way. At 10:30pm I received an email from the same young man. The email said “I found a ride; you don’t need to get me tomorrow.”
Relieved, I went to bed and woke up the next morning with enough time to get myself to church. On the way I received an email on my pager that said “WHERE ARE YOU?????” Apparently the young man had emailed me again at 2am and expected me to be waiting at his house to drive him the next morning.
Here is the question I pose, when are we helping and when are we enabling? How can you tell the difference? I have been struggling with this issue lately and I have come to the conclusion that you just don’t know. You have to trust that God will be there with you and that you will make the right decisions.
I bought the first young man another suitcase with church discretionary funds and told him that he needed to take better care of this bag, because it was a gift. I did not pick up the second young man, and he found his own ride. I am not sure I made the right decisions but I am sure that if you care about people and you pray to do God’s will, you are not going to mess them up too bad.
Entitlement is tough, at times it makes me crazy. I feel as though I give and give and it is expected I will continue to give forever, and maybe I will, and maybe I should, but I will always try to empower rather than enable, and I will always pray for guidance. Peace.
