God's sense of humor

So today I was beginning to feel lonely and sorry for myself. I love my job and I love where I am living, but I had very close friends and family in Michigan and it is hard not having them here. So... I looked in the bible, this time I checked out the concordance rather than playing bible magic eight ball and I found a passage for the word lonely in lamentations and this is what it said

1 How lonely sits the city that was full of people! How like a widow has she become, she that was great among the nations! She that was a princess among the cities has become a vassal. 2 She weeps bitterly in the night, tears on her cheeks; among all her lovers she has none to comfort her; all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they have become her enemies.

Let me just tell you, that was not the comforting passage that I was looker for. Although I am just glad that I did not hit a blank page. As I was reading this and thinking about how I wished to be with all my friends chillin at bilbos or at the young adult worship service at birmingham, Emerge, I was not noticing that I was talking to seven people on-line. Seven.

It is so easy to overlook what is right in front of you. I prayed to God to help me not to feel lonely and God sent me seven friends to talk to. I mean seven is even a holy number and I wasn't paying attention. I am amazed at how God answers prayers. I am astounded at how comforting it is to know that even if I dont understand the answer it is there. My life has been touched by the knowledge that no matter what, God loves me. No matter where I am, no matter what I have done, no matter if I am surrounded by friends or feeling all alone, God is with me. I want to dedicate my life to showing that love to others so that everyone can realize God's love. Night!

The deaf choir at my church went to a four hour worship service last night that is an annual event for all the deaf ministries in the Baltimore area. About eight choirs preformed and three deaf speakers preached. It was a great service that was very affirming of deaf culture and the beauty in the way deaf people make music.

All the choirs were amazing and I am not saying that our choir was better because it was a worship serivice designed to showcase the many different deaf choirs. One thing I did notice though was the fact that all the other choirs signed to music. Which if you are really trying to preform a service for the deaf does not make sense for two reasons. One, the obvious reason, deaf people cant hear it; and reason number two being that the lyrics automatically put the signs into english word order, which is not american sign language.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with signing to music. It makes it moving for the hearing people in the crowd (like me) and it is making an effort to include deaf people. Although, if you really want to honor deaf people and their own language it is nice to allow them to do the music that they write and that they direct and preform.

The choir from my church is going to do a deaf choir tour in Michigan in November. I am elated. I can't wait to see my friends and family and my church families, and I can't wait for them to experience the world that I am living in now. I will post specific dates, times, and places in the month to come so that anyone who is interested can come see them. They are an all deaf choir and their music is culturally accurate and amazing. It is mindblowing the many ways god chose to give humans the gift of music.

I have so many stories that I want to write about at this exact moment that my brain is finding it hard to make anything sound interesting or complete. I will hopefully find some clarification soon and continue to write about my US-2 tales in a more coherent manner.

Below is a poem I wrote about the deaf choir after the first time that I saw them.

Caitlin’s Silent Choir
In honor of the deaf choir at Christ church in Baltimore.

Caitlin’s hands are crooked. Caitlin’s crooked hands are beautiful. She sways slowly and clucks…clucks…Caitlin clucks the beat, deep in her throat. She sings of her savior with silence. She signs of the savior with her crooked crinkled hands and the drum beats loud. Slam…Silence…Slam…Silence. Shhhhhh. Caitlin’s crooked hands conduct the silent choir. She raises. They raise. They praise. And they all sway. Slam… Silence…Slam. Caitlin’s choir feels the beat from their feet to their hands. Slam. Caitlin’s choir sings the praise of the lamb. Slam. Caitlin quietly voices the sounds she was taught. Ah. Ma. Zing. Grah. Ssss.

The Jig is up!

Unfortunately that day has come. My new good friend now knows me well enough to tell when I am faking the fact that I understand everything he is saying. Dangit! My sign language skills are improving although I have only been here three weeks so there are times when I still dont know exactly what is being said. In those times I like to look interested and nod my head as if I completely understand, which for the most part has been working quit well. I get to participate in conversations and add what I can. Since I have been spending a lot of time with Shawn* he now stops mid conversation and says to me. "You understand?" which of course then I nod and smile.

I usually understand concepts and mostly what is being said. He has also taken to responding with "ok then tell me what I just said." UGH! what a retched blessing to have made friends who know you well enough to challenge you. Shawn has not only taken to testing me he also makes sure to sign as fast as he can so that I am forced to pay close attention. After spending the day together my brain hurts. I am exhausted. I took ASl a year and a half ago and I have not had much interaction with deaf people until this recent move. Talk about immersion. Now 90 % of the people I know speak a completely different langauge then me.

Shawn will not let me skate through life here easily, he has even begun to watch when I am talking to other people so that he can stop me and make me confess when I don't know what is being said. Accountabilty is tough. Romans 14: 12&13 says "So then, each of us will be accountable to God. Let us therefore no longer pass judgement on one another, but resolve instead to never be a stumbling block or hindreance in one way or another." Shawn is not holding me accountable to himself. He is not passing judgement he is challenging me through the love of christ and making sure that he is not a stumbling block for my communication with my new friends. He is forcing me to be honest about when I have hit a stumbling block and when I need help. He leaves the judging to the Lord and instead puts his efforts toward helping me remove the hinderances rather than enjoying them.

Stumbling blocks may not always seem bad, they can manifest themselves in laziness. It is easier for me to nod and smile, I do not come home exhausted when I spend the day noding and smiling, although I do come home missing half of what is being said. I come home missing half of the ministery that was taking place in front of my face. Shawn is being a great friend and making sure that I learn to be fully involved in the life of my new church family.

peace.

*I will always change names on this blog to secure the privacy of the people I discuss.

Maryland state fair

I never thought that enjoying rollercaosters would be something I would need for a job. Too bad I am severly affraid of heights.

Today I accompanied two deaf/blind men, a deaf guy, and another SSP (standar support individual) to the Maryland state fair. We spent the day watching the horse races and petting the animals at the 4H building. I am constantly surprised at how easily it is for deaf/blind people to get around if they have an SSP. I am really starting to feel like I am making friends. These people were great today. They are so patient with me while I learn to speak their language. Thank you God!

The Lord will provide. The thing I was worried about the most before moving here was the fact that it would be hard to make all new friends. I need to remember that the Lord will always provide. I seem to easily forget one of my favorite sayings. Or maybe I just dont listen to mself well. Let go and Let God! I know it is a cliche' now but for me I really pull inspiration from that. God, has never let me down. Why waste my time worrying about something.

I am so glad to be here right now. Also, I have been feeling like I am improving in my ASL skills which is great because if I didnt it would be a long two years.

Thank you Lord for providing for me and for my friends. Please bring everyone in the world peace this evening. Be with the Hurricane Katrina victims and provide for them as well. Lord we do not always understand but we have to trust that you have a plan. Love' Ya' God! Amen.

p.s I say I am learning, although today when my friend was in my living room setting up the old vcr and I was making popcorn in the kitchen he called to me and I responded by yelling "Yeah?" I still have a lot to learn!